When you were younger what did you think your “dream job” would be? My kids are at that age now where they talk about “when I grow up mommy I want to be ____” Usually it is a firefighter or policeman which is cute and I will totally support whatever they decide to do career wise when they are older.  Lately my oldest has been saying she wants to be a nurse which she would make a fabulous one (and no this isn’t her bias mom speaking) and recently she was bandaging up a cut finger on her brother when she says “mommy when I get older I want to be a nurse! What do you want to be mommy when you grow up?” And I said to her “honey I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up and thats what I am!” And she looked at me and said “Ya I want to be a mommy but a nurse too.” and that was our conversation. I didn’t think much of it other than to smile thinking how cute it is to hear them talk about the future and I thought how fast that time will be here. Fast forward to sitting at our lawyers office the day we closed on our house and when it came time to fill in the line that said “Occupation” I simply stated “Oh Im a stay at home mom.” (and please don’t miss understand- in no way was I complaining or diminishing how amazing and fortunate I am to be able to be a mommy and stay at home with my kids) and our lawyer looked at me and said so “you are a domestic engineer” and I laughed out loud and said “Wow that sounds fancy I like it” And she said “you do realize your job is way harder than my job!” and as she said it I agreed with her and I understood what she was saying but I didn’t let it sink in until the next day when I watched my two little babies get onto their school bus for the first time (they didn’t take a bus at their old school) and my heart broke in a way I wasn’t expecting. I watched 2 large pieces of my heart drive away and gosh all this mama fear and guilt set in. It took all of the strength in me not to hop in my car and follow that bus to school just to make sure they got their safely and got off and into the school ok. After I got my coffee into me and dried my tears I finally thought back to what my lawyer had said and it hit me just how hard my job is. Not just because my job is 24/7 with no breaks, no sick days! Not just because I never get to pee in privacy, not because from the moment I wake up until the kids are fast asleep they demand and need things of me all day (and even during the night sometimes). Not because I have to put my own needs and wants second to theirs but because literally every single day I give them a piece of my heart and than I have to let it go and let them live. I watch them get hurt and I can’t prevent it, I have to let them experience new things without fixing or taking over for them. I have to take a deep breathe and let go and let them live and I can’t helicopter their little lives as much as I want to. Oh how nice it would be to be able to keep all the hurts, the nasty words, the cuts and bruises, the hard learning curves, the scary new things from them and just make life super safe and easy for them but than I really wouldn’t be doing them any favours. Somedays Im not so sure I am strong enough for this motherhood gig but than as I sit and cuddle them in my arms each night at bedtime I am filled with pride and just enough strength to start over again. Sure there are days they drive me crazy and I am exhausted from trying to meet all of their demands (lets be honest not everything they ask for is a need) but I still wouldn’t trade this job for anything. Trust me, my pay check doesn’t get deposited into my bank account every other week and this job may not pay for my purse and handbag obsession but the love and adoration that I receive from my 3 little people is worth way more than any designer purse or new pair of shoes. I know my heart will never be whole again because forever 3 pieces will be missing and those pieces wonder around outside of my body and in physical form in the shape of 3 little bodies. So to all my fellow domestic engineers out there we have the hardest job in the world but we truly have the BEST JOB!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  • Pam Nichols says:

    What a lovely article Kate. So glad to hear that nursing may continue in our family ;)!! You truly are blessed to be able to be with the kids full-time and you do an amazing job with each of them! Hugs, Pam

  • Krystal says:

    We really do have the best job in the world. Thanks for the reminder ❤️

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  • Growing up as a white girl in an all white family I know what privilege is. I knew racism still existed but sadly I never allowed it to really impact me or become educated on it - I never chose to speak out on it even though I thought it was wrong. Than I adopted 3 sweet mixed babies and through my involvement with foster care I quickly realized I can’t sit silently I need to do more. Not only for my babies but for every single person of color. It breaks my heart, the fact that black people are treated much less thought of less than white. The labels and stereotypes I hear people talk about make me sick to my stomach. To think my babies birth parents could be any less valueable, important and deserve less love than someone with white skin - it just wrong! Yes the black deserve to be celebrated and honoured for their cultural differences and they are just as equally important, valuable, worthy of love as any white person! To all those of the black community I am sorry! I really have no other words than I’m sorry and I promise to do better and to raise my kids to know that no matter someone’s skin color we all deserve to be loved and shown kindness always! #georgefloyd #blacklivesmatter
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To ALL moms out there I pray that today you feel loved, valued and celebrated! Motherhood is the hardest yet greatest journey and I don’t take my little people for granted! To those of you who find today extremely difficult I see you, I feel you - I truly do and I pray an extra measure of grace and love be poured on you today! #happymothersday
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