I am not one to really make new years resolutions. I feel too much pressure to keep them and than disappointment and failure when I don’t succeed and frankly I don’t need those feelings of inadquency and failure in my life simply as a resolute of a silly resolution I make. Life is already hard enough like this post for instance has been in the works for about a week now but life has just been too busy! Kids just going stir crazy with this silly winter cold and rain weather, a baby who needs her mama 24/7 (yes at almost 18 months old she still behaves like a newborn needing her mama’s arms), a house to clean, bills to pay, meals to cook, clothes to wash/fold/putaway and some how keep myself from going crazy from all the craziness. I was all set in Decemeber to make myself some new goals for 2017 because I think its fun to make some goals and work towards them in 2017 and see how far you come but January 1 came and I was like “gosh darn it I don’t even know where to start…what DO I want to accomplish this year?” I started thinking and I just kept coming back to this feeling of so many dreams in my heart and mind but no energy to accomplish them. I than remember back to our struggle to get pregnant and have a family and how in those dark, lonely, scary days I couldn’t even find it in myself to do much but to try and find something to give me strength and for me the way I did that was by finding a word that gave me comfort and strength when I needed it. That word was HOPE and I think I have shared this before but that word became a life line for me and when I felt myself spiralling downward I just held onto hope. (There is a reason my oldests daughters middle name is Hope) So I thought to myself “Kate you don’t need to worry about making a list of dreams for 2017 why don’t you just find yourself a word”. Finding a word is much simpler anyways …right? So I came up with the word Self- Grace! It’s a good one right?! Ok Ok so if you don’t know what self grace is let me try and explain. (I may have made the word up in my head) Self grace is the idea of letting yourself be YOU. It is allowing yourself to feel what you feel, and recognize what brought you to this point and truly believing whatever your going through is valid. I want this year to smother myself in self grace. I don’t fully know yet what that will look like but it will definitely mean making more time for myself, it will mean stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things, it will mean being ok with ordering pizza on the nights I don’t feel like cooking and being totally ok with that choice, it will mean letting myself go to bed early without finishing that last load of laundry or that half finished blog post. I think you get the idea… I encourage you mama’s out there to practice some self grace even today! It doesn’t come naturally to me I have totally become ok with putting myself and my needs last but I am realizing I need to make me a priority as well if I want to be a kick ass wife and a rock star mommy I gotta make sure Im in a good head space and emotionally spent and exhaustion lead to physical ailments so I need to keep practicing this self grace and I am excited for what it will do for me!
*Sorry if this was like major word vomit I just have been feeling a lot of weight on myself and felt like writing/typing it out might help me feel better about it*